The BEST (Worst) Dad Jokes Ever!

pics from Dad Blitz & Fam Blitz events

Dad jokes guaranteed to make your kids moan!

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.

I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1

Did you hear about the man who got caught stealing a calendar? He got 12 months.

dad TP

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.

Why was the big cat disqualified from the race? Because it was a cheetah.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

I’m reading a book on the history of glue – can’t put it down.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.

Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why do bananas need sunscreen? Because they peel.

Want to hear a joke about construction? Nah, I’m still working on it.

plunger dad

 If a child refuses to take a nap, is he resisting a rest?

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.

dad blitz

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